Confident?Me? Not in the Slightest

As we have mentioned here and in vlogs etc, Disney trips are few and far between currently just due to our circumstances so all our outlets are going to become a little more personal, more about us and our family and what we do to get through life on a regular day to day basis.
So I thought why not start by talking a little about myself and some of the reasons why I do this.
You may think that I must be confident to put myself out there for the world to see, to want the praise, to be able to take the criticisms that come with blogging, podcasting, vlogging etc but that couldn’t be further from the truth.

I grew up with a older single parent who honestly took care of me a protected me from some of the crap of the world. Times were hard but we survived. Nothing was ever easy and due to lack of money (we had enough to live but never enough to be extravagant)  meant that I actually never went abroad on holiday until a school trip came along in my mid-teens (you can see where this is going)

I also grew up with two much older brothers, so I have always gravitated towards older people. I never found it easy to make friends of my own age (would explain why really I have no childhood friends in my life). And that has continued into adulthood. Meeting people face to face for the first time is one of my absolute nightmares. Most of my friends have been meet over the internet (including Lisa!!) before meeting in person and even then I find it difficult. Talking to a stranger on the phone is just as difficult.

There is no real basis for it other than I suffer from anxiety and why that is a thing I have no idea I just do. As I do now, as a teenager I used to run, not the long distances that I do now, but a sprinter, competing at a fairly decent level, but I used to be crippled with nerves before a race, what if I do something wrong , what if I fall, just the things someone like that shouldn’t be worrying about. Even now, with the long distances, I still get the nerves even though I’m not really competing, even just going out for a training run, I can have days where I just keep putting off until I don’t go (I am going through a period like that now)

Over the years my anxiety and shyness has been confused with arrogance because I probably seem very aloof, even brooding some times, but believe me I would love to be outgoing and loud, but I am not.

Now you may say then why put yourself in the public eye (as such in this domain) well I ask myself that question sometimes.

Some times those nerves come at me when I am about to get behind the mic or in front of the camera, honestly sometimes I will pull out of a recording of a podcast because I just don’t believe in myself. I could say I am going to record a vlog about some where I am going, and then duck out of doing it because I am too shy to film in public (you may even notice moments on a podcast or a video when I am quiet because I am having one of those moment)

But then I have my reasons for doing what I do, one being that it takes me out of my comfort zone in many ways, I am in the public eye, I am having to get over those issues.

There is a bigger reason though. Due to the fact I am like this I spend a lot of the time learning stuff, stuff that I hold in my head, for a lot of people, pointless information but also trying to find a way to impress someone without having put myself out there. What I do with all the channels I am involved in, is I let that information out. It is my escape from what is going on, and what is stored, in my head, what better thing to escape with than the Happiest things on Earth.

Disney, since I have become an adult has becoming a safe place for me. As I said I had never travelled abroad as a child but since growing up that changed. I travelled to LA for the first time in my early 20’s and visited Universal Studios (and a theme park) for the first time. Since meeting Lisa, Disney over took Universal as we visited Florida, California and Paris in the 10 years we have been together.

This was never started as a ‘I want to be Disney famous’, this was started as an outlet for Lisa & I to talk about our love of Disney. I was very lucky to find the guys at Dis After Dark, who let me join them despite knowing very little about me but have allowed me another outlet to syphon off some of that useless info. And god knows what I was thinking when I agreed to host my own show over at S.T.R.I.K.E, when it relies on me to be there (hopefully that might go some way to explaining why the shows can be intermittent some times!!)

I hope this gives you an insight in to me as a person, not just to our followers but hopefully also to our friends.